When Lions Attack aka The Women Tell All

Tonight, Prince Farming will sit in a room with all of his "ex-girlfriends": Reality TV Edition. (could you imagine if his not made for TV ex-girlfriends were also there?!)

It'll pretty much be a whole lot of tears and fighting from those no longer waiting for him to get down on one knee.  I'm hoping for some epic #KaraokeCarly one liners.  And for Kaitlyn to bring back the humor.  Poor girl is probably still distraught, or jet lagged over #BrokenHeartedInBali 

Whitney and Becca escaped the cat claws....we'll see both of them next week for AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

Superlative: Collectively cried the most tears compared to the entire Bachelor SERIES

Winners: #CrazyCounselorKelsey  Britt. #KardAshleyian

***Ok, this corn/pig themed, super de duper farm party is awesome.  However, do this many people really get together each week to watch the show?***

THOUGHTS DURING INTRODUCTIONS & REGARDING DRESSES

Nikki - WHO?

Trina - Again, who?

Juelia - she looks happy

Tara - drunk?

Amber - a partial who

Megan - SERIOUSLY? You're not 5. or Cindy Lou Who

Samantha - another partial who

Jordan - the re-visitor

Ashley S - Great dress!

Jillian - I still don't like you. You trashy!

Kelsey - BAD hair! And is that a cotton summer dress?

Britt - no more Bonnie Bell lip smackers lipstick? WHAT is she wearing??

Mackenzie - she left her Kale chip at home again

Ashley I - Still looks like a Kardashian wannabe (and why???)

Jade - blah. she looks blah

Carly - Adorable

Kaitlyn - looks poised

Jillian is just flat out gross. 

It's going to go down between Kelsey & #KardAshleyian

It's going to go down between Carly & Britt

We are maybe 10 minutes in and the tears are flowing from the girls....or rather the fake tears are flowing!

"You acted like you were my best friend dude. Why?" -Britt

"Did you watch the part..." - Carly

"Can you answer my question?"- Britt

See, this is going to be fun!

HOT SEAT: Britt

Dear Britt, the Oscars were last week. No need to wear a gold dress to look like the trophy wife that you are not.

I think Jillian needs anger management.

Britt - deal with it.  You were very black and white.  You were one person with Chris and someone else with the girl.

Jillian - you are mean, leave Carly alone.  She's nice...I can hear the meanness in your voice and I can see the anger in your face.

"Jillian, you're a little jacked up" -Chris Harrison

(who has spent way too much time in a fake & bake machine)

I'm still a fan of Carly.  And I'm pretty sure Britt is upset because she's finally being confronted for her flip flopping on all issues. #BrittThePolitician

I'm pretty sure Britt is the only girl to cry without tears.

It's officially Jillian & Britt vs everyone else

"Coming up, the Bachelor himself faces all the women that he dated ... and made out with.  How's that going to be?" - Chris Harrison's best line ever.

Britt goes back to her seat and MacKenzie is not amused.  I mean her little Kale Chip is 2 so clearly MacKenzie is accustomed to dealing with fake tears and tantrums.

HOT SEAT: Crazy Counselor Kelsey

Buckle Up folks!

I still do not like how she told Prince Farming about Sanderson Poe.

Naturally the Guidance Counselor would start out with "I'm feeling..."

"I'm feeling like I'm grieving all over again" - Kelsey

#KardAshleyian has a priceless face when Kelsey utters those words

"What despair? You said it was an 'amazing story'" -Drunk Girl

And Chris Harrison hands over his hanky...and #KardAshleyian has an even better facial expression!

As crazy as Kelsey is, she really does articulate her feelings well. 

Good job Juelia!  You are also a widow - and a single mom - and you never played that angle with Prince Farming.  Juelia informed PF in a great, real way.  Not in a "get ahead" way.  Point for Juelia!

Megan's Dad dropped dead running.  Don't remember that.  But good job for brining up that point about you and your mom watching.

HOT SEAT: Ashley S

Crazy girl. She's all about some pomegranate onions!

OMG Ashley S now grows onion!!!!  This is tv gold!!!!

She really is funny....and even with Chris Harrison, she still has some serious blank stares!

The Accounting Department....because Ashley is bored....so she explores and sees the accounting department and decides they are betting.  This is amazing!  And Harrison plays along!  Even better!

"What were the cats saying?"- Chris

"It didn't reply." - Ashley S

OMG PLEASE make Ashley S the next B'ette!!!!

"I like to ride bikes.  I mean this is me.  With the cameras around it's hard to not be silly.  So while all of them were getting upset and crying, I was outside picking pomegranates, ya know." -Ashley

Harrison BEGS Ashley to join Bachelor In Paradise.  I've never seen the show.  But I'm sure it's going to be filled with onions!

HOT SEAT: Jade

I think she's still grieving.  And I do not like her dress.  At all.

Poor Carly is sad for Jade.

Jade is all for confronting Prince Farming. 

And now that she has seen the episode and read his blog...she's ready to have an intense Q&A session.  His words "absolutely crushed" her.  Sad.

HOT SEAT: Kaitlyn

Oh dear. Kaitlyn, I like you.  I do not like the crop top dress.  But I mean Chris wore solid white the last time you saw him, so I guess good job??

Good for you for not being ashamed of anything!

HOT SEAT: Prince Farming

What the heck is on his tie???

He hasn't said anything yet and Britt is already fake crying.  And now she's stealing all the time.  So Carly is annoyed.

BRITT. GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Harrison for practically escorting Britt off the stage.

Seriously though, what is on that tie???

Oh snap!  Kaitlyn, you are one strong ex-girlfriend.  Power to you for being so composed and not backing down! #Respect

Jade joins Chris on the hot seat.  And Chris gets caught between real life and his People blog.  The written word wins again.

Forget the whole season, Playboy is going to follow you around for life.  #ThatIsTheChoiceYouMade 

BLOOPERS

I would like at least an hour of bloopers each season.  Can we please make that happen???

HARRISON WROTE A BOOK???????????  Oh goodness.  This franchise is out of control!

I Thought I Was Your Fantasy....x3

Well, Chris and his ladies have left the country and it's Fantasy Suite time.  AKA the most uncomfortable episode of the season!

I'm  not sure who his stylist is, but within the first 2 minutes we see him in many different outfits and it's not only amusing, but I'm just not ok with the clothing choices!

Date #1 Kaitlyn

"Kaitlyn is the type of person I can see in my life" - Chris

*I'm guessing as a friend*

Already, I'm not feeling the love.  And thanks to temple, they aren't feeling the love either.

#TempleOfTemptation #NoKissing

"This is my girlfriend. Very beautiful, right?" -Chris

"And all of a sudden we are in the middle of a tropical jungle full of monkeys" -Kaitlyn

**and truer words have not been spoken about what a crazy show this is**

"Watching these monkeys, I feel like they know what they want and they go and get it.  They see that banana and they're gonna go get it.  I definitely wish I could be more like a monkey and just go after what I want and not be afraid of anything that might stand in the way." -Kaitlyn

#MonkeyLove #OhBoy

After they survive the monkeys, they chat.  And Chris looks bored.  And I'm uncomfortable for her.  Because she's into him, and he's not into her.  And now I wonder, will she even make it to the rose ceremony?

#PoorKaitlyn #FakeFantasy #BringOnBecca #WhatAboutWhitney

Sorry, but this date does not make me want to add Bali to my "must visit" list.

Goodness, it's dinner time.  And that table is way too close to the water.  And Kaitlyn is shaking.  And it's about to go down.  Or maybe she'll push Chris into the water? :)

#GuardYourHeart #TrustYourGut

Chat. Sigh. Pause. Kiss.

Oh Chris, your face looks so bored.  Kissing is not the answer.

Fantasy Suite Card/Key

"I can't imagine saying no to that" -Kaitlyn

"I agree..........I think we deserve this" -Chris

SERIOUSLY!  I can feel the boredom from my couch. 

#SendHerHome #GuardYourHeart #ChrisIsBored

#DidYouSeeAllThatWineInTheRoom

So Kailtyn is "completely" falling in love with Chris.  And Chris' face is not falling in love with Kailtyn, but his lips are. 

"And I'm falling in love with you as well." Lie #1 from Chris tonight

Date #2 Whitney

Upbeat music. Already, this is better than Kaitlyn's date.

Chris's face now matches his feelings.  He looks happy.

So Whitney & Chris are on a boat, and everything around them is gorgeous!  And it is now where I realize Kaitlyn's "no kissing, monkey date" represents Chris' feelings, and Whitney's "happy, great scenery, no rules date" also represents his feelings.

Although I would like for her to stop talking.  Home girl is crazy chatty!

Ahh, so Whitney's dad left when Whitney was 6 months old.  That explains a lot.  Kimberly is mother hen to Whitney...and a lawyer, also explains a lot.

"I'd rather her be like honest than just being something you're not." -Chris

**are you the pot or the kettle Chris?  Because Kaitlyn and the Fantasy Suite...not honest.**

Well, it took the entire season before anyone jumped off a boat.  Glad we got that Bingo Square covered. 

Dang! It's dinner with Whitney and Chris' forehead is nothing but sweat beads. 

*And I know Claire is watching and freaking out because she hates sweat...and he had crazy pit stains during Kaitlyn's date*

Dear People Of Arlington, Iowa,

Please do not hire Chris to promote your town.

Sincerely,

Everyone watching this episode

PS. This is why:

Chris Quotes:

• Do you have any concerns when you think about Iowa? 
• Arlington is a small town.
• Arlington is 500 people. 
• There's nothing to do in Arlington.
• Zero.
• So you go other places, for a career or whatever. 
• Des Moines is 2 hours away.  Chicago is 3.5 - 4 
• I want to go do something, I drive somewhere

Whitney Words:

• To me, when I look in terms of my future, I worked SO hard to get where I am. BUT, I always wanted to be a wife and to be a mom
• Sometimes even when you are those things, it doesn't work out. So you need to have something to fall back on.
• I have this career, but I'm not fully happy (clearly she forgot how excited she was last week when it was "Bring Your TV Boyfriend To Work Day").  There's half of me that is missing because I want to be a wife and a mom
• If I moved to Arlington I would leave that and I wouldn't have any hesitation about it.
• I'd be ready to have babies...and that would be my career.
• It's not where you are, it's who you're with

#WhitneyJustWantsToMakeBabies #InALab #AndInABed

Fantasy Suite Card/Key

"What do you think?" -Chris

"Well, I've thought a lot about this.  And, it would be great!" -Whitney*

*way too many pauses for that response

So Many Candles!  That room is on fire!

Date #3 Becca

So Chris and Becca have HUGE smiles!

And Becca is smitten with how well Chris and the Bali Boys "show their muscles"

And now this is about to get uncomfortable with the future dude.

"Are we meant to be together?" -Chris

"Actually you are very good couple." -Dude

"Will he be a good dad one day?"-Becca

"Both of you going to be good parents to your kids." -Dude

"What's her biggest weakness as a person?"-Chris

"She's hard to control." -Dude

"We have a very big date tonight. Do you have any advice?"-Becca

laughing "Making love!" -Dude

"I like this guy!" -Chris

"You have to choose the West direction." -Dude

Ya know, Becca has a great sense of humor. 

"Chris could be inviting a virgin into the fantasy suite and he has no idea about it." -Becca

I must say, Becca handles the thought of this conversation WAY better than #KardAshleyian

"Want to get in the water?" -Chris

"I'm in Bali with a guy I'm falling in love with.  It's very surreal.  Standing in the water and kissing him, like experiencing temptation, kinda ups the romanticism of being here." -Becca

#OhDear

"Chris does not know that I am a virgin. I'm waiting till marriage. And there's a chance that that's not something he wants to wait for." -Becca

that was so eloquent. and really, the maturity of that sentence rocks. #KardAshleyian, if you are watching, take note!

"I love who Becca is as a person.  And I love her family. I envision a life with her in my future. I can be a part of that family. But knowing that Becca has never been in love before, it does raise some concerns. -Chris

And Chris is also falling in love with Becca.

Fantasy Suite Card/Key

Can we please get some new verbiage for those date cards?

And the music matches my anxiety level....

"I would love to spend time with you alone and have more time together. I think it's very important to spend that time and get to be alone." -Becca

"I agree....a lot.  I think it's, this is a big week and this is a big deal and this is a big day for us." -Chris

"She's the total package"-Chris

#AndShePaysHerTaxes

Becca Bites The Bullet (on the most dramatic anticipated fantasy suite conversation)

• I've never been in love
• I've never brought someone home to my family
• I really do feel like I'm falling in love with you
• But I do have something very important to share with you
• Be honest. It's a big part of who I am
• LOTS OF AWKWARD SILENCE
• But, I am a virgin

Oh Chris, the awkward silence is killing me!!!!!  AHHHHHH

Chris Conjures Conversation

• It's never easy to respond to that
• But I respect that in a lot of ways
• And I would be lying if I said it surprises me
• I think that says a lot about who you are
• and that's the honest to God truth

Ok, now Bali is pretty.

Poor Chris isn't ready to send anyone home. Well, you don't live in Utah, you live in Iowa.  You are only allowed one wife.  Man Up, Farmer!

It has to be crazy awkward to sit in the sand, watch the waves crash, and have a camera in your face.

And Chris just got real....tears....and thoughts.

#ChrisCares #FratBoyIsGone #MarriageMaterialIsHere

OH SNAP! Chris calls Chris for some bro bonding

Even Harrison is confused that Chris could "definitely see himself with all 3 of these women"

"I feel pretty strong about one rose.  The other one, that's pretty tough."

"We haven't really talked much about Whitney.  So am I to assume you're in love with this girl?" -Harrison

deep sigh "I'm falling in love with Whitney. I guess, to just say I'm in love with her doesn't feel right yet." -Chris

ROSE CEREMONY TIME

"In all seriousness, this is hallowed ground. One of the most special, sacred temples in all of Bali. And with that, there are very strict rules here as far as affection is concerned.  Holding hands is ok but that's really as far as it can go, the ladies know this as well.  So please respect this holy place." -Harrison

YET A CAMERA CREW IS OK?????

I enjoy the colors of Bali...those Rose Ceremony outfits are pretty!

Kaitlyn really looks like Catherine Lowe!

What are those orange fluff balls on the sacred grounds?  Because I think I would like some.  In a variety of colors.

Deep sighs.....

OH NO BECCA.  Private chat!

Kaitlyn and Whitney are overjoyed....well Whitney's ovaries are about to burst and she can hardly wipe that smirk off her face.

Why are Chris and Becca whispering????

 CLEARLY he knew he was going to pull Becca away....a scarf is already on the steps!

Wow, Becca's lips barely move when she talks. #Bectrilaquist

"OH SHOOT" Kaitlyn says as she realizes Becca didn't go home

And Whitney realizes the competition is back on, and her ovaries shrink.

And Whitney just got CRAZY CATTY.

Whitney gets a rose. Becca is sad and about to cry. Kaitlyn is shocked/mad.

Whitney vs Becca in the Battle To Be Mrs. Prince Farming

And Kaitlyn is about to lose it...in an angry way.  And Harrison is taking way too long to announce the goodbye.

And Kaitlyn won't even acknowledge the girls. Or Chris

And Whitney and that DANG smirk on her face.

Chris and Kailtyn walk up those stairs with those pretty orange puffs along Kaitlyn's pink shirt.  So pretty!

I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn stole that lipstick from Britt.

HA to the rooster in the background.

#FarmLifeInBali

Man, Kaitlyn lasted so long without tears, I thought she'd be tear free until the car ride.

Well done Kaitlyn for being the only girl to ever put on a seatbelt!

IN TWO WEEKS

"I think Whitney's a sure thing. But I think Becca is who Chris wants." -Chris' Dad.  Oh Senior Prince Farming, you are about to be my new favorite

Home Is Where The Corn Fields Are

Let me just begin by stating, a weather update will interrupt tonight's viewing every 30 minutes.  Really hoping it happens during commercial breaks, not during cry fests!

How fun, Becca has a 1 on 1. 

Pretty sure it would've been better suited for last nights episode, because now this is choppy, but whatever.

She is looking oh so happy in that bright yellow top...it would really liven up the blah that was Arlington.  They are pretty cute together.

"That's what I love about you the most - it feels really real." -Chris

They do look rather cozy on that couch!

How do Becca & Chris always end up on a roof with a beautiful background?? 

And a BAC logo.  Woo hoo Delaware!

Pretty sure Britt slumping into the couch announcing she packed her stuff and THINKS she is going to leave, is really just a fishing trip.  She's fishing for the girls to beg her to stay and encourage her and solidify her "connection" with Chris. #DramaRama

"I'm going to talk to him tomorrow." -Britt.  So just leave today!

Woo hoo Carly for calling Britt out on being indecisive.  Man, Carly's one liners and facial expressions are top notch!

Pre Rose Ceremony Observations:

Whitney - Wants Chris to meet her family (however that's defined)

Jade - freaking out over the nude modeling

Britt - Tell Chris my heart isn't in the right place

No cocktail party.  Yikes!

That means no "I want to go home" or "I posed nude" time.

I do love Kaitlyn's sparkly dress!

I think Becca and Whitney are wearing the same color lipstick...and Britt is wearing lipstick from the 80s.  Whitney laughing at Britt taking Chris away is spectacular.

Chris looks pissed while Britt is chatting.  And I'm pretty sure Chris wanted to cancel the party so he could just avoid Britt and send her home.

"Does it matter?" -Chris

"yea" -Britt

"Why does it matter?" -Chris

Oh my goodness I wish I could add pics to this blog because Chris has given some AMAZING facial expressions during this argument.  Homeboy got mad!

Who stops walking in the MIDDLE of a driveway to stand and cry????  Seriously.  Get it together.  Not that sitting in a pile of leaves is any better, but goodness.  Hide somewhere.  And that cry is 100% fake.  I know a lot of toddlers....that's definitely a fake cry!

"Carly's my friend. I mean we hang out and talk every day." -Britt

Actually, that's not correct.  You live in the same space because you are on a tv show and "hanging out" is your only entertainment option.  Oh and you're down to just 5 other people to talk to so you probably talk to all 5.

Chris walks in - Britt is gone - and the girls want to celebrate in the worst way!

"I thank you for those who spoke up. I thank you. It only reconfirmed where I was with my thoughts and feelings about her.  I'm not playing games." -Chris

And Carly is thinking "woo hoo, I did it!"

OMG Carly vs Jade.

We all know, had the cocktail party happened, and Chris knew about Playboy...we'd be meeting #KaraokeCarly's family.

So much for "thanks for speaking up" because now Carly is going home.

MAN.  Carly took that like a champ!

#KaraokeCarlyForBachelorette #Please #SheIsFunny

STUPID weather update!  Cut some commercials and I would be able to see the beginning of Chris & Becca's date, not just Becca running into Chris' arms.

Becca's Hometown

And they are canoeing in alligator infested water why exactly?

Dang!  The first time you brought a guy home it was with a camera crew.  Talk about pressure for all involved!

Goodness. Becca's family is not helping the situation!  And her sister....not a fan! 

• Becca's sister - really do not like her
• Becca's mom - not exactly the supportive mother, how sad
• WHAT....no chat with Dad or the brothers?????

The State Fair of Louisiana!  Woo hoo!  Bring on the Fried Snickers and Fried Cookie Dough and Funnel Cakes!!!  Ok fine, the Ferris Wheel, that's good stuff. 

Whitney's Hometown

I would like to visit Chicago.

Whitney is very confident.  However, "What do you say we go make a baby?" talk about AWKWARD!

Oh dear, scrubs?  I'm already uncomfortable.  However, Chris does look fantastic in scrubs.

NO NO NO do NOT make him visit the specimen room with a cup and magazine.  AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD

OMG "There's Playboys everywhere" -Chris

WILL HE SEE JADE???????

"What kind of hometown date is this?" -Chris

AHHHH and now we can breathe!!!!

STUPID WEATHER! I have no idea what happened because I came in with "that's so great of you to ask"

• Uncle Johnny - he's funny!
• Sister Kimberly - she's totally playing devils advocate. but let's be real - Whitney LOVES her job, and I think she'd have to sub out humans with cows/pigs/horses.  Loving that she has a cheat sheet for her chat with Chris! 
• I would love to see a chat between Chris and Gramma.  She's probably really funny!

Holy cow!  That's a lot of pressure on that expensive bottle of wine!  I mean, let's put a ring on the finger before you're opening that bottle or goodness, that was some expensive regret!

Kaitlyn's Hometown

Nothing like meeting in a back alley! Gotta give her credit for her sense of humor!

Ok so this rap is just freakin hilarious. 

Gosh Kaitlyn has a lot of family to introduce to Chris!  But wow to that backyard fire pit! I hope they make smores!  So far I love her family the most!

• Mom - She sees light in her daughter's eyes - see, that's supportive

WAIT...That's all we get to see from this date???????  No chats with Chris and the family????

Dang, she rented a billboard.  Wow!

Jade's Hometown

Wow. Talk about not being overly excited to see Chris.

So the State Football jacket - not a good time to hand out gifts.

• Dad - he's listening to Chris and thinking "you don't know about Playboy do you?"
• Brothers - "she's been a wild mustang, a free spirit." AKA, she shouldn't be in your top 4

Storm clouds. Perfect setting for the conversation ahead.  So they went to a hotel?  I'm so confused.  I mean I supposed the Motel 6 is appropriate for Playboy.

It is at this point I wish we could see Chris' thoughts. 

"When I first moved to LA, I was approached to pose for Playboy, and I did" - Jade

smirk - Chris

"If you want, I don't know, I could show you some of the photos. If you want to." -Jade

"I mean, this is about you. If it makes you feel more comfortable, I mean. sure." -Chris

**I'm not sure what made him more uncomfortable...viewing Playboy w/Jade, or standing with Whitney in a sperm specimen room**

I have to give Chris credit, in the moment, he handles things very well.  He's good with words and word choices.

ROSE CEREMONY

Holy cow Becca, that is a SHORT dress.  And Whitney, also short and oddly cut dress.  Funny, the Playboy gal wore a floor length gown.

It looks like Whitney enjoyed some late night infomercials and bought a Bump It.

Someone should give Chris a tissue.

Bali.  This should be fun!

Road trippin to Arlington!

Episode 2 of the evening!

#BringOnTheDrama #MissingTheCrazy #KardAshleyianFreeZone

So 7 girls remain at the beginning of the episode.  Not sure how the season went so quickly.  Could be because I slept fast-forwarded through a good portion of it.

And within a minute, we're down to 6 gals and Megan is gone.

#DoesSheKnowThisIsNotADate #DoesSheKnowThisIsGoodbye #GirlIsNotBright

I don't think Chris was serious about all of this until after Megan left and before the Rose Ceremony began.  He seemed distraught over the moments ahead. Bout time he stopped intense make out sessions and began realizing that production is almost over!

#WhyIsHeWhispering

They are all safe for one more day!  Yay!!!  And now they ROAD TRIP to Arlington, Iowa!!!

Oh #KaraokeCarly, I LOVE your enthusiasm! 

Oh Britt, "it makes me feel honored to be invited"

I really just do not understand Britt's clothing choices.  Those sweatpants are rolled so many times it looks like she's ready to be a backup dancer for a hip hop/rap music video.

So Jade is going to Arlington, while the rest of the gals are in Des Moines, and it's getting intense. 

As Jade enjoys her ride into town, she utters the following words:

So much corn. Cows. Dirt Road. Telephone Pole.

And all I can think about is this

ALL THOSE WINDOWS!!!!! 

And when Chris shows Jade the farmland, does anyone else think of this spectacular movie moment?

Jade is not enjoying Arlington.  You can see it on her face.  She might as well just find a horse and ride on out of town. 

I do enjoy that they went to a high school football game.  Although, how far away did they have to travel to find people?  WOW to meeting the parents....talk about unexpected. 

We learn that Whitney and Chris are going to explore Des Moines and Britt is beginning to unravel at a rapid pace.  This is getting fun. 

"Jade told me that she has a wild side and I really want to see.  It's something that's very important for me to see." -Chris

WELL, just Google her name and you'll see more then you bargained for.  #CarefulWhatYouWishFor

"That's what I love about you.  Is that you're a small town girl and you've got a good head on your shoulders so don't think I have much to worry about." -Chris

"We are not doing anything that has anything to do with English right now.  It's more like French." - Chris

Man, Chris is on a roll tonight with these phrases.

Jade, your lips say "I'm falling in love with Arlington" but your face does not match.

Whitney and Chris Explore Des Moines

And I have to say, this "Photograph Your Love" Date is SUPER ADORABLE!  I am totally down with this idea!

AND I think I FINALLY figured it out!  Whitney kind of reminds me of Ashlee Frazier from Sean Lowe's season.  Nice with a  touch of crazy when does doesn't get her way. 

Whitney met some of Chris' friends so now she feels like she's won every award ever given.

Never realized Whitney's Mom passed away.  That's sad.  And no relationship with her father.  That's a lot to unload in a loud, crowded bar.  "I really can't wait to call someone Mom and Dad again." Pretty sure she can still call her Dad, Dad. 

Road trip to Arlington

AND HERE WE GO!  It's #OperationArlington and the girls (Carly the ringleader, Kaitlyn the heck yes let's go, Becca the quiet one, and Britt who doesn't want to go but is afraid to miss something) escape and decided to take a road trip to Arlington.  Man, I would love to be in that car.  You know the conversation and music selection was fantastic.

#CarTunes #TrafficJams

So #OperationArlington took 3 hours of driving, and 30 seconds to see the entire town. 

#KaraokeCarly your outfit for #OperationArlington.  Not ok!

"What do people do in Arlington?" -Girls

"Go somewhere else." -Stranger aka Pastor of the Church

Jade tells Carly about Playboy. Carly's face says what everyone was thinking.

And my new favorite Carly quote:

Hey Mom!  Don't Google my wife.

Britt. Carly. Kaitlyn. It's about to get Frosty

Wow. Britt steals Chris and they walk out of the rink.  I mean that's some hardcore stealing.  I was thinking, keep the skates on and just go sit in the seats somewhere far away. 

 

LOVING the commentary with Kaitlyn & Carly and using hockey sticks for mics! HILARIOUS

#KaraokeCarly is using her time to throw Britt under the bus.  I mean yay for honesty, but this never goes well.  I think I want to be friends with Carly & Kaitlyn.  They are like the Lesley Murphy and Catherine G. Lowe of this season.

Oh snap. It's about to be the "Britt loses it" portion of the episode.

For the first time since #KardAshleyian & #CrazyKelsey we left in The Badlands, I can feel the tension from my couch. 

Does Britt realize that Carly & Kaitlyn can hear her?  Or does she even know how this show works?  Or that a rose ceremony will most likely take place within a few hours of them leaving this group date? 

And Britt is getting witchy.  #ProcessingOutLoudIsNotAGoodIdea

Wow, Chris can be pretty diplomatic.  Walks away when he doesn't want to deal with crazy confirmation. 

And some #KaraokeCarly favorites:

"It was so much better of an explosion than I could've ever possibly expected."

"It was a rejection.  There's no recovery from that."

"It was beautiful to watch."

#KaraokeCarly, you didn't receive the group date rose, but you do have roses on your dress. 

I'm over Britt's fake cry.  Ugh.  Get a grip.

Thanks to previews, we know Kaitlyn, Becca, and Jade receive Hometown Dates.

So...that's the fate of Whitney, Carly, and Britt left until tomorrow...

Chris Tells "All"

*and by "all", that means Day 1 to this episode.  Because clearly he won't share spoilers

 

We begin Episode 1 of 3 in a 24 hour span with #CrazyKelsey talking to Harrison.  Kelsey, we already know you're a little crazy, but wearing a white dress?  Come on!  It's like a "day of wedding run around" dress or a "wedding rehearsal on a beach" dress.

 

 Favorite words/phrases Kelsey used while speaking with Harrison:

• Am I really that controversial?  Really?
• emotionally tumultuous
• amassing
• motor movements
• malintention (not a word)

Funny things Prince Farming uttered while speaking with Harrison:

• She should not have had a firearm (re: crazy onion/pomegranate Ashley S)
• I get it.  I suck at speeches. I farm. I don't give speeches. (re: Costco & Kimmel w/Kaitlyn)
• I'm trying to find the right one for me. And doing the best job that I can possibly do at that, and part of that is kissing. (re: kissing Britt)

For what it's worth - I think this episode was a bigger waste of time than the actual Monday night show.  Ugh.

#KaraokeCarley & Kaitlyn are pretty much my favorites based on comedic value and verbalizing what everyone is thinking!

Dear ABC,

Forget "Lead Tells All" episodes.  I want an hour of bloopers!  Heck, even 2 hours of bloopers! 

#BringOnTheBachelorBloopers #TheWholeShowIsABlooper

*I did not watch the Andi interview because I know nothing about Andi & Josh other then she was the B'ette, she picked him, he got down on one knee, they went to the stupid Bachelor Red Carpet event, and announced a split 3 days later.

 

Prince Farming: "Just Be Mindful"

*My computer is having a panic attack so I am unable to add pictures at this time.  I'll attempt to add screenshots soon!*

We begin with the continuation of last week’s Rose Ceremony, sans Cocktail Party.

 

Kelsey's "panic attack" is pretty reminiscent of all of Tierra's issues (Sean Lowe's season).  Fake is a pretty great word to describe the first few moments of this episode.

 

While we don't exactly know much about Samantha, I'm pretty happy McKenzie went home to her little Kale chip. He probably missed his Mama, though Mama enjoyed a few weeks of carefree drinking for numerous camera people, and interviews where her thoughts oscillated between "I have a kid, I can't be a virgin" and "I like aliens & big noses on a guy".  Perhaps a "Mommy& Me: Common Knowledge In Social Settings" class would be a great activity for her. #GirlsGottaGrowUp

 

(outfit pics)

Let's just pause to enjoy Whitney's outfit.  Which should totally be featured as a Two Ways to Wear and/or Mirror Image (have I mentioned my friend Claire has a fashion blog?).

 

Britt and Kelsey have a little chat session:

Two things:

1. Oh Britt, what's up with this outfit?

(balcony pics)

 

2. Kelsey: "It'll be nice. I won't have to be the widow."

While "widow" doesn't need to define you now or in the future, I'm pretty sure your first husband automatically makes you a widow.

 

 

Date Card time!

Oh Becca. You seem extremely grounded and levelheaded.  As in, you are way too good for this show.  However, I am excited for your 1 on 1.  But, if looks could kill, #CounselorKelsey shot ya dead.

 

(pics)

#CrazyCounselorKelsey was having none of that. Sidenote, pretty sure she won't be allowed back as a counselor once this season is over. Home girl has some issues.

 

I know it wouldn't look attractive for the cameras, but I wish Becca & Chris wore helmets while riding horses. #SafetyFirst

 

(couch pics)

Whitney becomes a counselor...and I'm proud of her.  However #CrazyCounselorKelsey, as a professional counselor, you should know the time/space you need. Don't shed the tears for sympathy...the gals are on to your shenanigans.  Also, how great is this shirt?!

 

"My mental state at that point was just so confused" oh Kelsey! Sanderson Poe passed away almost 2 years ago. Your mental state is nowhere near ready for a reality dating show!  #CounselorFail

 

(couch pics)

#KaraokeCarly wants none of this. And Whitty is happy.

 

(interview pics)

Kelsey has all this stuff to say, but really, I want to know how she tied that scarf! #ShowMeYourWays

 

And it's Date Card time again.

 

(stupid megan pics)

Megan....why are you SO FLIPPING DUMB????  We learned last week that you did not realize NEW MEXICO is ONE OF THE 50 CONTINENTAL STATES.  This week?  Oh, this week you couldn't figure out that since Becca is already on the 1 on 1, you WANT to be on the group date.  Because the group date is "safer" than the 2 on 1.  No one wants the 2 on 1.  Though I'm entertaining how amazing a date with Ashley (who made no sense and talked about pomegranates and onions and who knows what), #CrazyCounselorKelsey...the widow.  And maybe even throw in #KardAshleyian and that's just all sorts of fun waiting to happen.  Reality TV gold, if you will.

 

So #CounselorKelsey and #KardAshleyian are on “the dreaded 2 on 1” and all of America wishes they would get the boot.

 

I've noticed Whitney's voice changes based on the topic of conversation.  I find that exhausting.

 

#KaraokeCarly is all over this group date.  And I am shocked that Jade has that public past, because she seems so timid & shy.  Pretty sure people who are photographed half naked aren't shy.   Anyway, this was sweet in a sad way: "It's hard to write a love song about somebody when he's clearly into someone else." – Jade

 

I’m not sure what she’s wearing…but Britt can kind of sing.  And she’s pretty fearless!  Well done!  BUT…#KaraokeCarly STOLE. THE. SHOW!

It’s at this point I’m not sure what is worse: wearing a bikini and driving a tractor on national TV, or singing on national TV. #BothAreHorrid

Oh Kelsey, you are a little too excited about scary things.  Example: #OhYayTheBadlands

*I think in a “boy meets girl in bar” world, Chris and Britt would hit it off, date, and have a blast for a while.  But I just don’t think they are “settle down” material.*

#KardAshleyian Your wardrobe is atrocious.  You are both driving me insane.  Poor Chris.  Let’s hope he’s medicated.  I can feel the awkward tension from my couch.

#KardAshleyian makes me uncomfortable with her intense make out sessions.  Didn’t she learn that the Bachelor/ette never enjoys hearing about another suitor in a negative light?  Congrats, you just placed the nails in your no rose coffin…but that hairstyle and outfit probably helped as well.

#CrazyCounselorKelsey wasn’t crazy until 2 episodes ago, now she’s off the wall whackadoodle.

“The person that I’m going to marry, I want them to be able to handle social situations well.  Someone who people want to be around.” -Chris. 

Lordy, here it comes.  And now we know how to define “Badlands” cause it’s about to go down.

“I know what you did.  And I do not appreciate it.” -#CrazyCounselorKelsey is scaring me.  Like chop the head off of a perfect bunny to feel joy, scary.

And who in their right mind just walks around #TheBadlands for the fun of it?  Unless I can see the beauty that is Target, Chick-fil-A, or Starbucks, I’m not walking away on my own in the middle of nowhere! #KardAshleyian = Cray! & Immature

Dear Chris,  #KardAshleyian is NOT wife material. 

“It’s just so stupid that every time I’m around you I have to cry.  It’s like what?!” -#KardAshleyian

And I’m pretty sure Chris wishes he could push #KardAshleyian off a cliff.  Girl, you are so very far from emotional stability.  But maybe someone could give the girl a tissue?  Or a tranquilizer dart?

And no one wanted the suitcase of  #CrazyCounselorKelsey to remain. 

“It’s a loss” - #CrazyCounselorKesley … could your smirk be any more noticeable?

AHHHH SHE’S GETTING SENT HOME TOO?!?!?!?!?!  Although, I do have to give her some credit as she took that speech so gracefully!

Well, #TheBadlands lived up to their name on this date!  Chris leaves in a helicopter and #KardAshleyian & #CrazyCounselorKelsey go where exactly????  Does #KardAshleyian even know that Kelsey is also left behind?

#WildCelebratoryPartyInTheHotelRoom

LOVE LOVE LOVE the bloopers from Chris& Becca’s date.  I could see them as Mr.& Mrs.  That was cute!

Until Sunday, friends!